Twilight Path Studies
Journal Excercises
Back to Life | Distinguishing Residues from Ghosts | Meditation on the Dead Child
Meditation on the Dead Child
By Michelle Belanger
For this exercise, you want to find the grave of a very young child. This can be the grave of an infant, but it does not have to be. Any child up to the age of ten will do. Remember to seek out a grave that really speaks to you. You want some key factor that will allow you to relate to this child. Perhaps they were the same sex as you. Perhaps they were born in the same month or even in the same year. Select this grave carefully, for it will play an important role for you later.
Once you have selected the child’s grave you intend to use, take a photo of the gravestone. You will also want to record the name, dates, and any other information appearing on the stone in your journal. Take a little time to explain why you chose this particular grave. Reflect on how it speaks to you and how you can identify with it. You will also want to record the location of the grave in relation to the rest of the cemetery. Most cemeteries have a mapping system where the land is divided up into sections and the plots are arranged throughout these. Frequently, you will be able to find small stone markers sunk into the ground bearing letters or numbers. Try to figure out the system of your particular cemetery, and record as exactly as possible the location and number of this grave.
This may prove to be difficult, so don’t get hung up on it. Do your best to get a good idea of where this particular grave is located so you can find it again. If you cannot find the plot markers, you may just want to make a rough map of the cemetery in your journal, taking care to mark the placement of this grave in relation to several others. Mausoleums or other landmarks will serve as good guides, so take care to mark these off in relation to your chosen grave.
Finally, you will make a rubbing of the stone. To do this, you will need a large sheet of thin paper and some artist’s charcoal. Tracing paper works well, but heavier stock like construction paper is out of the question. If you can’t find artist’s charcoal, a crayon will do. Just peel the wrapper off and hold it lengthwise so you cover the largest area possible. You will probably also want some tape.
Hold the sheet of paper against the gravestone. If it helps, tape it in place. Then take the crayon or artist’s charcoal and gently rub this back and forth across the paper. An image of the letters and other carvings on the gravestone will begin to come through. You won’t have to press very hard with the charcoal, but be careful not to smear it with the side of your hand. When you have a good rubbing of the gravestone, set the charcoal aside and carefully remove the sheet of paper. Roll this up – don’t fold it – taking care not to smear the impression. You may want to invest in a can of fixative – clear coat works just fine. When you get home, you can spray this on the rubbing. If you opted to use crayon, you won’t have to worry about smearing the impression once it’s been made, although some bits of wax might flake off over time.
Every Death was Once a Life
Once you have selected the grave you plan on working with, your next step is to go to the local library. Approach one of the librarians and tell them you’re doing some research on one of the local cemeteries. Don’t be shy about this – with the surge of interest in genealogy, research on cemeteries and specific graves has become quite common. The librarian will have the best idea of what resources are at hand, and will usually refer you to other sources if the library doesn’t have enough information. Most towns and cities also have an historical society, and you may want to consult people there as well.
If you find that you’re uncomfortable speaking directly to anyone or asking for help with your research, then you’ll have to go through the library’s references yourself. First, you should research the general history of your cemetery. When was it founded? Was it associated with a specific local church? Are any of the town-founders or other interesting people buried there? If you are very lucky, you might even turn up some local legends about the cemetery and any ghosts that supposedly haunt it.
Your next task is to do specific research on the grave you have selected. There might not be a great deal to learn, but if you’re lucky, your library or the historical society will have records of old newspapers, birth records, and similar data. Look up the child whose grave you have selected. If you cannot find any information on the specific person, try researching their family. See if you can find records about the parents of the child. If you’re lucky, you might even be able to uncover marriage records and announcements of the birth. If you seem to be striking out on actual data regarding the grave that you have selected, at the very least, do a little research into the period during which this child was born.
Your purpose here is to learn a little more about the deceased’s life, so you have concrete information you can relate to. If you can get the librarian to help you with some amateur genealogy, try to learn a little about this person’s family. How long did this family live in the area? Were they born in this country, or did they immigrate? How far back does their family name go among people in your area?
If at all possible, try to learn how the child died. You may be able to access old obituaries, and sometimes in the older newspapers there is a longer article to go along with these, especially if the person was involved in the town in any way. If you are lucky enough to find actual newspaper clippings relating to any of the people you have chosen, ask permission to make a copy of these. You may be fortunate enough to even have a photo of your person among these.
It’s very unlikely that you’ll be able to find an actual photo of the person whose grave you have selected. However, it is not essential to have an exact photo of that specific person. What’s important is that you have a concrete image that you can focus on and relate to. Go through old photos from the same time that your person was alive. Consider what people looked like back then, and try to insert your person into the scenes in these photographs. The purpose of this exercise is to build up an image of the dead that you yourself can relate to. This is why it’s so important that the graves speak deeply to you, and this is why, when you finally select a photo, accuracy is far less important than the impact that photo has upon you.
If the photo inspires you, if you can look into the other person’s eyes and see a whole life written within their gaze, then this is the photo for you. Take some time to make a selection. When you’ve gotten your information and a photo (you will almost certainly have to make a copy of the photo at the library), comment in your journal upon everything you have discovered during your trip to the library. Explain why you chose this particular photo, and try to verbalize how it speaks to you. When you’re finished, put the photo in an envelope along with any other copies of encyclopedia entries or newspaper clippings you’ve obtained. Take everything home, and put it with the rubbing of the cemetery stone that you have already made. Make a point, over the next few days, to go out and purchase a small toy or other item that would be appropriate as a gift for a child the same age as the dead child you have selected. Add this to the collection of clippings and other images that you have gathered over the past few days. You may find it convenient to save everything in a box, and you may want to keep this entire collection somewhere near your altar or shrine. When you have a little more time in your schedule, you will make a trip to your cemetery to meditate upon the grave of this dead child.
The Flower Cut Too Soon
Gather up the items that represent the child, including the toy or other small item you bought as a token. Place all of these in a shoebox or other convenient container and take all of it with you to the cemetery. Go to the child’s grave. Clean the grave off, removing any leaves or grass clippings from around the base of the stone and in general tidying up the plot. Next, begin to lay out the items at the base of the headstone. Arrange these as if you were creating a shrine here. This is a shrine to the dead child, and it is also a shrine to the very concept of early death, when all the hope and potential that a child represents is cut too quickly from the world. You may need to weigh down some of the paper items with small stones or other objects.
Now, kneel in front of the shrine you’ve placed at the foot of the gravestone and talk to the child. Ask the child to teach you what it was like to live his or her life and to die his or her death. Then lay down full length upon the grave, with your head at the foot of the headstone, surrounding by all the items of the shrine. Close your eyes and count to thirty until you are focused within. Now imagine that you are that child. Think of everything you’ve read and written about this person, and try to put yourself completely in their place.
Take yourself from birth, through the short little life, and then through the moments of death. Look back on the small amount of time that you lived and consider what happened to you in that time. Think about what it is like to let go, after such a small taste of life. Feel parents and siblings mourning around you and tearfully saying good bye.
Take a few moments to come back out of this. Sit up, open your eyes, and get your bearings. You may want to take several deep, cleansing breaths to completely let the visualization go. Once you have come back to yourself, pick up your journal and write about what this felt like for you. How would you feel if you had lived such a short life? Would you be angry, or sad? Make a list of the five things you would regret the most …
Gather up the items from the shrine. Arrange them carefully in the shoebox, setting the token aside. Put the lid on the shoebox and place this at the foot of the gravestone. Set the token on top, leaning against the headstone. Let go of these things just as you imagined letting go of the life this person once led. Leave all of the items behind as a gift to the dead.
